PORTLAND, OREGON
In a shocking turn of events, the Northwest Leather Alliance Master/slave contest announced that they had two couples competing for the title this year.
“We almost never even get one,” said Jack McMurty, the conference and title contest organizer. “Last year,” he added, “we only managed to get a couple by tricking them into it. We promised them a free vacation.”
The vacation that was promised the current title holders, Becky and Martin Williams-Sonoma, came at a price. “We had to listen to a sales pitch for a condominium in Oxnard, CA. Have you ever been to Oxnard? Awful place, though they apparently have a nice strawberry festival.”
McMurty, who works for the time share company Oxnard Shores Resort, called the current contest judges together to explain the situation. “We actually have a competition this year between two couples.” When asked how it would be handled, McMurty said he didn’t know, that “the situation has never come up before.”
Master Tim Zackert said the situation is unusual, “In 35 years of going to contests, this is only the third time there has actually been more than one couple competing that I have ever seen.” But according to Zackert, it isn’t the biggest contest he’s seen.
“No one will every forget the great Leather Conflagration of 2006, when three couples ran for the title, at Pacific Central M/s Power Exchange. It was notable both because the contest ran over 8 hours as well as for having one couple light the other two couples on fire.”
The couple lighting the fire was disqualified and the title was awarded to the “least burned couple,” saving the judges the terribly difficult task of evaluating the merits of the couple’s actual M/s relationship.
“No one likes to judge other people,” said Master Geb, this year’s head judge. “At least not publicly or when you are held accountable for what you say.”
His slave, also a judge this year, agreed, “It is much easier to say things behind people’s backs. That is why we are ‘leather'”
